We are all time travellers. We start our travel at conception and end it at death.
Why can't I win the lottery? But then I see how well off I am compared to many others in the world, and realise that I have already won the lottery.
Many times, I am impressed at seeing the wonderous creativity of the human race, then to be disillusioned by its greater ability for destruction.
Humans are by far the scariest animal on the planet.
Don't expect perfection. It doesn't exist. If you always expect perfection, you will always be disappointed.
Communicate properly. I cannot read your mind.
Laws do not 'protect' you. They merely act as deterrents to others.
The day I stop learning is the day I drop dead. (And even then, it may turn out that I have more to learn.)
Don't judge until you have heard both sides of the story.
If you lie to me, the trust that is lost is proportional to the size/seriousness of the lie.
We love our children more than they love us.
Asking is better than guessing, particularly if your guess could be very wrong.
Evolution fails again. It gave me a rib cage, but that only protects my heart some of the time.
NOTE:
There is a distinct possibility that the following information may not be entirely true.
After about the age of 30, aging becomes just an extremely slow form of body decomposition.
I am really good at 'hide and seek'. In fact, I was Australia's 'hide and seek' champion, for three years in a row. Three years, because that's how long it took for them to find me.
When I was four years old, I learned at kindergarten that the Earth is round. When I told my mother, she said that I was misinformed and that the Earth's shape is, at best, approximately oblate spheroidal. How come the teacher didn't know that?
I'm a great believer in 'political correctness'. We need to cater for everyone's sensitivities. For example, I am very superstitious. I will not go into a building that has a floor designated as floor 13. What I have proposed to the scientific community is that the number 13 be removed from the decimal number system, to be replaced by "(12+1)". Unfortunately, that doesn't cater for those who find 12 and 1 to be distasteful, but, it's a step in the right direction.
IT sales people are selling solutions that are 'future-proof'. At my workplace, I have to deal with the legacy of some really bad decisions that were made in the past. Therefore, I am going to hold off on my work related purchases until the next generation of solutions appear; solutions that are both future-proof and past-proof.
I hear conflicting information all the time. For example. I hear that overweight people will die younger. But I also hear that mass distorts space-time, meaning that the heavier you are, the longer you will live. Someone is wrong.
Why are red cars faster? The answer is simpler than you think: Red paint contains mostly, red electrons. Of all the coloured electrons, red ones are the lightest. Therefore, red cars have a greater power-to-weight ratio, and thus, greater acceleration.
And why do they make red underpants for men? That's just going to make a woman think that things are going to happen too fast.
Cause and effect: Over my lifetime, I have observed that when it is raining, people are using umbrellas. And when it is not raining, people are not using umbrellas. Therefore, I have logically deduced that rain is caused by open umbrellas.
Why is it, that our own poo doesn't smell as bad as other people's poo? What was the evolutionary driver for that? I could understand evolution driving things in the opposite direction; a hightened sence of the smell of one's own poo. Imagine some caveman/cavewoman saying to themself, "OMG. That's a bad one. I had better finish this off quickly and make tracks before a sabre-toothed tiger gets wind of it." More cavemen/cavewomen would live to pass on the gene that provides the hightened sence of the smell of one's own poo.
Sedentary lifestyle; not to be confused with sedimentary lifestyle, the lifestyle you go to having once you're dead and buried.
Why is everyone else wrong ?
Of course I have a big ego. People have been calling me special ever since I can remember.
Something needs to be done about insurance companies. They do whatever they can to avoid paying out claims. Even this no-fault claim of mine was declined: "In a shopping centre car park, I reversed into a concrete pillar that wasn't there when I parked the car."
I want to be around in a thousand years from now, when scientists finally prove that bacon is good for you.
I don't normally boast, but, I once performed a miracle (a professor of gynecology described my wife becoming pregnant as miraculous).
All babies are born brilliant. In the first year of life, their IQ drops to a figure that is inversely proportional to the number of times they fall over and hit their head.
I see that all antibacterial cleaning products kill 99.9% of germs. So, I will become a billionaire by creating a product that deals with the remaining 0.1%
You gotta love AI. In trying out my newly acquired 'talking' blood pressure monitor for the first time, the AI in the monitor said to me, "Either you have not connected up the cuff properly, or you are dead."
I've been a dad now for 30 years, and so I am much practiced. High-quality dad jokes are to be expected.
But you don't have to be a dad to create dad jokes. In preparation for fatherhood, evolution has gifted all males with the ability to create dad jokes.
Thoughts/quotes of others
"The trick is to keep breathing."
"Life isn't everything."
Albert Einstein: "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe!"